there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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