i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
