dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
