I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
