He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
