Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
