ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
