I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
