Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
