Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
