It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
