I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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