There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ladies don't puke and tell
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
