life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize