saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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