seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
