i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
