So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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