Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
