Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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