my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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