how can u be prego again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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