im drinking this country out of the recession.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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