just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
