There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
