census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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