The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
