I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
that is very illegal...i love you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
