dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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