the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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