I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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