In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
