This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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