my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
