Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
