I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
