and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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