just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
