I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
