im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
