yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
