So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
