One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
