SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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