there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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