my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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