Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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