You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
