a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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