you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
