you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
