well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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