I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
