HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
