PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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