She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's always time for handjobs
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
