oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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