i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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