She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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