is your mom at the bar?
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
