Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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