do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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