We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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