That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
