Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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