alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize