I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
