whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
