I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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