The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
